Fears

 

THE THING(S) I'M AFRAID OF THE MOST

Blog a day in May...I'm starting to like it.  At least it gives me something to blog about.  And today we're talking about our fears.  But not just any fears, are biggest ones.  For me, the thing (or perhaps things) that I'm most afraid of is that I won't be mother and wife I always thought I'd be...the one I want to be.  Well, that seems like something I should be able to easily avoid...but I know plenty of people (plenty?  probably not.  But I do know some) that start out the perfect mother and wife and turn..............crazy.  They become arguably the worst wives, mothers (that's all relative..."the worst").  I feel like I'm rambling, and not getting my point across.  All I'm saying is that I have the highest hopes for me to be the best wife and mother.  I want my husband to always be happy with me, and I want me kid (hopefully kids--plural--someday) to be think of me as the greatest mother.  I will do anything for them.  I want them to be able to count on me for love and support.  I worry that if I slack on my job to love and teach my child(ren) morals and values that they will look for validation through means that I completely disapprove of. 

To make a long story short...I'm afraid I'll fall short of my vision of the "perfect" wife and mother.  It will be hard work to obtain this goal.  But I feel it is of the utmost importance to do everything I can to be the perfect wife and mother for my family.

What I Do

Okay, I've already failed at blogging every day...but in my defense the hubs had the computer I use with him at school.  We technically have 3 computers, but two are older and in comparison they are annoying to use.  So I don't unless I have to...

WHAT I DO...or rather WHAT I DID (yesterday)

These days I don't have an tax-paying, report-to-my-boss kind of job.  I get to hang out with the cutest little girl.  Lately she's been waking up in the 6:30am range...she wakes up happy and plays until her first nap.  Shortly after she wakes up she eats breakfast and plays some more.  Usually, we get ready to go to the gym, but yesterday she seemed a little extra crabby and clingy so we didn't end up going.  (Hopefully she'll be okay today...it's not even 8am yet.)...Then we do random things, go visit friends, hang out at the library, go to the grocery store, and other stuff to keep busy.  The weather is finally starting to heat up so we'll start playing outside more.

Daddy is in the middle of his 2 weeks of finals.  Yesterday he completed his 4th final.  He comes home after the final (instead of staying to study more) and since I didn't workout in the morning I went running when he came home.  When I came back from my run I found the hubs and baby playing outside, so we hung out there for a little while.  Then we came home, made dinner (BLTs), and got the Snuggle Bug ready for bed.  After that we watched an episode of The Good Wife.  We are watching season 1 because my husband hasn't seen it...so I'm re-watching it with him.  Then off to bed...and we do it all again tomorrow.  Or a variation of it!

Things That Make Me Uncomfortable

This is the prompt for the Blog Every Day for day 2 or 3.  Since I started late I won't do all of the prompts, but I'll do this one, and maybe one other that I missed, then get back on track.

THINGS THAT MAKE ME UNCOMFORTABLE

1. Silence.  But only silence when I'm with people I'm meeting for the first time, or that I'm still getting to know.  I once had a friend that said one of the things she liked most about her now husband while they were first dating is that they could go on long car rides without saying anything to each other--just sit in silence.  This is so not me...I would be going crazy thinking of stuff to say!  Especially if I was in the newer stages of dating...oh no no no.

2. Other people's family fights.  Before I was married I really worried about taking my guy home to meet my family.  We have our share of problems.  I thought he would take one look at them and run for the hills.  I was legitimately afraid of bringing my future spouse home to meet my wacky, abnormal family.  I was so convinced that I was got a bum deal, and that everyone else's family was just fine and mine was crazy.  But as I meet more people (and their families) I realize that EVERYONE has issues in their families.  Almost everyone comes from a "crazy" family.  But that doesn't change the fact that I get uncomfortable being around said families while they're having a "crazy-moment".  When it's happening I try to will myself to just melt into the furtinure.  How do you get out of a situation like that?!

3. Parents yelling at young kids.  Everyone says you'll do things you never thought you would when you have kids of your own, but I certainly hope yelling in not one of them.  Especially in public.  The other day I saw a dad or grandpa yelling at his two young (under 5) boys in the parking lot of our apartment complex.  I wanted to scream out at him to stop yelling at his kids.  It makes me so sad and angry.  If you're bold enough to yell at your kids in public, you're probably doing it a lot inside the walls of your own home.  He was yelling at them to get out of the car faster or something, and I'm pretty sure they decided to move slower because of it.

4. The hubs rambling in public.  I never noticed it until recently, but he has a tendency to ramble and never get to the point of whatever it is he's trying to say.  He does this when semi-important people are talking to him.  I'm not even kidding, sometimes he'll stop talking mid-sentence.  Or he'll take 10 minutes to answer a yes or no question!  I'm not even making this up!  It makes me uncomfortable because I don't know why he does it.  He's very smart and articulate.  In fact, I would say speaking in public is one of his strong points.  Lately, I've taken to chiming in and answering questions for him.  Sometimes I worry what happens when I'm not around...

Blog Every Day in May

So this blog that I recently found (and love) is participating in "Blog Every Day in May".  It was initiated by another blogger that I haven't been following...but I soon will.  The idea is that I will blog every day during the month of May.  Obviously I'm slightly behind.  So I will try to make up as much as possible.  I'm doing this because I want to be more of a blogger, and since I have a hard time coming up with things to write about (sort of) I figured this was a great way to jump right in.  It's like in college when I'd be given a topic rather then coming up with one on my own...sooooo much easier this way.  Anyway, let's get started:

P.S.  Writing is all about revision.  I think any good writer will tell you that.  I was looking over past entries, and they were lacking the spunk and personality I intended.  So, I'm gonna start revising periodically!

ABOUT ME IN 250 WORDS OR LESS

I don't enjoy wearing make-up; the whole application and choosing colors is more then I want to do.  In my 20s I was able to get away with not wearing make-up, but now in my NOT-20s I'm starting to feel like my grace period is O-V-E-R. 

I grew up in beautiful and eventful southern California; Long Beach to be specific.  I went to school in Utah, and received my degree in English.  And yes I realize you're now looking at my spelling and grammar with a fine-tooth comb.  And my favorite book is usually the last thing I read.  And contrary to what you may have been taught, it is okay to start a sentence with "and"--although probably not three sentences in a row.

 I met the perfect man for me while working in South Carolina.  We got married a year later in the Los Angeles LDS Temple.  Our first child came two years after that.  I had a hard time adjusting to not having a job or being a "productive member of society".  However, I love to cook dinner every night, and I bake sweet treats all the time.  Exercise and healthy eating are important to me.

Scary movies are not my friends; even scary commercials will give me nightmares. I have many strong opinions on just about everything, but I choose to keep most of those controversial opinions to myself.

Life can be messy, but I love every minute of it--well almost every minute of it.

Pity, Party of One

Today I'm having a pity party...I just feel a little down.  I didn't go to the gym this morning--because I didn't feel like it.  (And I normally go every. single. day.)...I'm just a little down about my size...I've been my pre-pregnancy weight for a while now, but not my pre-pregnancy size.  How is that possible you ask?  I don't know, but trust me--it is.  I workout constantly, and I don't eat too crazy (well sometimes I do)...and yet I can't seem to get back to the size I was.  It's starting to get really, REALLY annoying.  And I refuse to be that "big" girl, so I haven't bought any new clothes.  Plus I stay at home, so there's really no need.  But seriously, what the heck?!  Some say that sometimes when you're nursing your body will hold on to extra "chub" (for whatever reason)...so maybe that's what's happening???

And it's Finals weeks--yes WEEKS...so if I thought I didn't see my husband that much before, I certainly don't see him now.  Yesterday he saw Liliana for 30 minutes before it was her bed time!  And his birthday is tomorrow...I ordered him what he wanted online.  I ordered it over a week ago, but yet somehow it still says it won't get here until next week!  I know that's not a big deal--and I know he doesn't really care that it won't come on his birthday, but I really wanted it to!

And there's other stuff...I just wish things were a little different right now...not too different, but a little different.  But on the bright side, in a week Adam will have completed his first year of law school, and we'll have a little break before he starts summer classes.  (Yes, he's taking summer classes now too, because he's doing the dual program in which he's also getting a Masters degree.)...He works hard so the least we (me and Lili) can do is be supportive.

Well I guess that's it for now...I mean nothing too terrible is happening--in fact we're doing really well over here...but sometimes I just wish I could have everything I want!  ha!

My friendly baby

Some things that I want to remember about my baby girl include:

Liliana is a great baby (I probably won't forget that anytime soon.)  She's little, but chunky.  I kind of attribute her developmental abilities on her being little.  She learned to roll from her back to her tummy (convincingly) at almost 3 months exactly.  It took her a couple weeks after that to learn to roll from her back to stomach.  But ever since she learned to roll from her back to tummy she slept (and still sleeps) on her stomach. She started crawling at 5 months, and really perfected it by 6 months.  She started walking at 9 months, and now at 10 months her personality is really coming out.  She's a super happy baby.  She smiles all the time--at anyone and everyone.  People come up to us A LOT to tell me how cute she is or talk to her...mostly because she was smiling at them first.  For a shy mama, this gets really annoying.  And she loves playing with other kids.  We go to the library and she follows the "big" kids around.  She'll go up to anybody at any time.  Sometimes I start to get embarrassed if she stares at someone too long, but then I think, "nope, she's a baby she's not staring at them because they're weird looking; she's staring at them because she loves people."  Lili also loves animals, singing, and reading books.  If you wave at her, she'll wave back.  She goes nonstop...she's always playing.  She's a great eater...although I always put a bib on her, she actually rarely needs it.

Anyway, she's the BEST baby.  And we love her to pieces!

She's holding a bag of her "treats"...yogurt drops.

Bargain Buy

I go to Marshall's weekly to check to see if they have these OXO containers.  I love them so much, but they're expensive, and one random day I happened to get 3 of them!  But I still want 2 more...so I go and see if maybe, maybe they have them...so far, No.

But while I was there I happen to stumble upon a 50 cent dress!  Of course, there was a catch...an large rip right on the front of the dress.  After I examined the dress and the rip, I decided that even if I couldn't fix it 50 cents wasn't going to break my bank...so I bought it.  A whopping 54 cents, including tax.

I came home, watched a few YouTube videos on how to mend tears in clothes then I went to work...it was actually very, very easy.  For me, a beginning sewer, it took maybe 20 minutes, and that's in part because I had to give some love to my baby a few times.

Here's the after picture...it's hard to see where the tear was, but it was in the front...although it's gone now...and yes, it's an XL so it doesn't exactly fit me...but I figure maybe I'll grow into it!  haha...and here's a picture of daddy helping Lili put her socks on...